Sex and the City

Who ever said that there couldn't be another Carry Bradshaw?

I never did, so here it goes.

Monday Night, A Cold Night, and the weather holds a new meaning:

Friendship is a funny thing and I feel like I am in this constant chase to understand it. Nights I cry myself to sleep wondering why it had to be that difficult and for my over analytical mind, why couldn't I understand it? Sometimes however, I run as fast as tigers or become still with my coffee in hand laughing until I can't feel my toes. My best friends admires my smile from across the table as we gossip and laugh at all the elements around us. Who said what? She did not tell you that!! It's true we have all been there and then you walk away with plans for the next afternoon. What happens next? Does she go on home to betray you, spread rumors, or keep silent on the experience she had with you. The actions we take are based on what we think the reaction the person will have. No like this is a bad thing, and if anything its the responsible thing to do. However, do you stop to ever realize that in reality you have absolutely no idea what they are going to do? You can't! That would mean that you could read their minds. It's scary. To me, there aren't such things as real friends, just real life. For all of you out there with best friends, I apologize, you can throw this away if you please. I am not saying I live in paranoia and choice not to trust anyone. That's impossible. It is in our nature and instinct to trust some. If not, how can you truly live in peace. You can't so don't try. I am not a bad ass with "fuck the world" tatooed on my left arm. I love people but I also love me. I need to accept and trust who I am before I can go out and trust others. It is really hard for me to trust others as much as I would love to. I trust my big brother and thats about it. Friendship is a ship that get shakey and fall, but can also sail forever. But if you do not stop once in a while for supplies and food your crew will die and your ship with break down. As much fun as it is to take and take, or even give and give you have to make sure there is a balance. I still won't understand how to have a good friendship and I am still trying to understand what it is that I always do wrong to make it fly away. I stare at myself in front of the mirror with tears in my eyes hoping someone will walk up to be an explain how much I have fucked up..or that it just isn't my fault and there is nothing I can do about it. I am a beautiful friend...and those are hard to come by.. Is it so much to ask for one back?

Beauty is only skin deep...then thank God mine lies underneath<3